I feel love from more sources than detractors.
That can’t take true friends and family away.
With a kiss on the lips and warmth from the heart,
Taking life here now, appreciating it all
Begins with a good back getting better after a fall
After three nights of patches and acupuncture,
Due to a hex from the ghost of a lady friend,
That pained me to show up and leave.
It is disappointing to lose an old female friend.
The fifteen minute walk to her car when she left
The only time we spent alone to talk, to tell her
She hadn’t asked me all of fifteen minutes.
But glossed over everything; knew all the answers.
And didn’t care how I was feeling anymore.
When twenty years ago I could rely on her
To feel about what was disturbing my life.
She was an ally during that messy affair.
One I could confide in; not any more.
She avoids my request to see her in private
Was my friend before but now she's “ours”,
And when I asked to see her sooner,
She saved her visit till a week before her leave,
She avoided me talking with my wife instead,
In Mandarin, about their health and family.
One thought for my children, a throw-away question,
Like which child I loved more blah-blah...
That’s not what friends are for;
But to be frank with each other, be what may.
She did not ask this time what was on my mind;
(I wanted to tell her what was on my mind)
What could I do? She did not ask,
And I did not tell and burden her.
She covered blemishes on her face and life
So I unfollowed her smiling Facebook travels.
Text me if you have anything to say.
I say I should have gone swimming that day,
When she said it was okay if I went;
She didn’t care to chat; did not need me there;
But dinner conversation not even about me,
Though I had asked to spend some time urgently.
Alone with her to talk, hit on, or anything that mattered,
Such as my lack of intimacy the past few years.
And that I actually had a brief notion as she slept over,
Of crawling into bed with her at four,
But she would have bolted, scandalously,
For I am pigeonholed as a satisfied husband.
I am not satisfied.
And she no longer cares to know.
She couldn’t do anything about it
It would have been her burden
With cognitive dissonance. No.
She came here to see us together, not me alone.
At least the table was set for our withdrawal
When she asked what I was doing
l could have told of meeting a potential lover
But nothing was left besides idle conversation.
December 17, 2020
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